The Colonoscopy

Well, it was a nerve wracking 20 minute drive to the center. I was trying to be calm and collected, but I was TIRED, and just a bit nervous.

We get to the center, and walk up to the front desk, One receptionist is on the phone and the other starts helping me when her phone rings. Instead of asking the caller to hold, she proceeds to try and redirect them to somewhere else.... Sigh, at this point I'm just a little irritable, and wonder why the hell she can't just put the caller on hold. We do the paperwork pay the co pay (40 bucks - geez this is an expensive movie) and are told it will be 15 minutes. About ten minutes later the prep nurse calls my name. Geez, just retelling this is getting me a little wound up... not sure why... She takes us back and gives me two gowns and says she'll be back. My GF is in the room with me, and I get dressed.

The Nurse comes back and starts going over the paperwork. Takes my vital signs (BP was 143/95, a bit higher than normal) then breaks out the  IV.... Now I like to think I have a high pain tolerance, but I have a DEFINITE aversion to needles. As I've gotten older I've gotten a better control on it, so I can handle it, but I still do not like it. I've just learned not to watch. My GF explained to the nurse she was in the LPN program, and the nurse was HAPPY to let her watch and give her pointers on what to do, and how people who are just getting started in nursing make rookie mistakes, as well as little things that she's learned over the years. Now, up until this point, the nurse, who had been a little bit, shall we say brusque? Really warmed up. I think one thing that annoyed her was that I wanted my GF to be in the recovery area with me, because if I've got to cool my heels somewhere with nothing to do, and nobody to talk to, I'm not a very happy camper. I don't particularly care to wait around. *I* can waste my own time, when somebody *ELSE* I feel is wasting it, I get annoyed.

I have to say, the nurse was EXTREMELY good at the IV insertion. Which once that was done, helped me calm down a bit. She then walks me down to the procedure room. As we walk in there is a male in scrubs in there who introduced himself and I said "You're not the Dr" thinking HE was the one doing the 'scope. He then informed me that  he was the anesthesia nurse.  I then told him I said I wanted to do this drug free and he said "Are you SURE?", and I said yes, but keep it ready. I also told him and the other nurses that if they just talked to me, and kept me informed of when it might hurt, that I could prepare for it, and it would be fine. He then suggested, how about I give you are very small dose of pain killer because it takes 5 minutes to fully become effective. I said sure, that will take the edge off, and I DID have a very slight headache, so he gave me .5 milligrams, and I felt it pretty quick, just a little light headed, but still just fine. I've had drunks that are WAY worse than that. Then the Dr came in and when he was told I wasn't doing Versed, I think he was actually pissed. His response was "Did you bring the leather strap?"

The actual procedure was EASY. No cramping, just a little pressure, and only like one 10 second twinge. The got the scope all the way to the terminal illium, and then looked up the small intestine. When they got there I was like "That's it???" because going in is much harder than coming out. But this is  where things went bad.. No, it didn't hurt, but my world was about to be turned upside down. Turns out there is a severe stricture (narrowing) of the small intestine. The Dr couldn't get the scope past it because the scope was too big. He said the tissue looks healthy but he couldn't see past the stricture to see how bad things are. He took a biopsy, and did the check of things on the way out. No polyps, everything looks fine.

All the nurses were congratulating me, "you did great" the anesthesia nurse actually said, "Guys like you are going to put guys like me out of a job - you didn't even need what the pain killer I gave you". They then wheeled me out into the recovery area. And told me to fart. And I did. LONG AND LOUD. I was louder and longer than the other patients in the area, but the recovery nurse was dragging her feet getting me out of there, which was pissing me off. Which in turn was raising my blood pressure, so she wouldn't let me go. I almost had a few words with her. Then when she tried walking me to the bathroom to change I was like "Let's go" and she was "No you have to walk slower"..... She was a little tiny thing about 4'10'' and there was NO WAY she was going to keep me from going down if I toppled over. She went and got the GF and said "He's been ready to go" so, it's not like they didn't realize I was capable of leaving.

Then I had to cool my heals for the Dr. Did I mention I really don't like waiting? After about 15 minutes, he comes over and says, "Well, I don't think it's cancerous, we'll get the biopsy probably by Friday, so if you don't hear from me by then, all us." and "You don't need to take care of this TODAY, but you need to get this  stenosis addressed soon. We'll order a CT scan for next Monday and have a follow up on Tuesday, but this will probably require exploratory surgery, or just a resection of your small intestine."

It took me about 15 minutes to realize, he was talking major surgery.

Yea, I was a basket case the rest of the day......I don't mind admitting I'm a bit scared.